Tasty Clothes

Okay, the clothes themselves are inedible - but I DID wear them to an incredibly tasty dinner last night.  My mom (happy birthday/happy retirement!!!) and I went out to celebrate, and picked the uber-delicious, inexpensive Victory 44 as our hang-out.  If you live in the Twin Cities area, or plan to visit our snowbound state, please put Victory at the top of your must-eat-at list.  Yes, it is THAT good.

My outfit, on the other hand, was only so-so:

I tried to plan an outfit without boots, I REALLY TRIED.  But it was snowing and cold, and these boots are so warm and toasty on my tootsies.



So until it stops snowing, my outfits are simply going to be boot-centric.  At least I have these EPIC boots to wear out.  Faux-Fryes for the win!

This outfit also makes me want to sing... feel free to sing along,  "I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay!"

I do like buttered scones for tea.  But I don't hang around in bars, regardless of what you've heard.

The 411.  Warning: it's an all Target, all day, outfit:

Teal-ish blue T, Jimmyz by way of my buddy, Ashley

Plaid flannel ruffled tunic, Target

Olive skinny cargo pants, Target

Black OTK socks, Target

Black leather harness boots, Target (gift from my Sis)

E typewriter key necklace, gift from Laura

Drama queen necklace, also a gift from Laura

The necklace Laura got me for Christmas 2009 is hy-freaking-sterical.  It also shows that my friends have no problems teasing me:

It says, "She needed an audience to feel complete."  And no, my boobs aren't really that big.  Those babies are the result of a good bra and well-placed ruffles.

My main dissatisfaction with the outfit was how my pants kept coming untucked.  I finally did the 80's trick of pulling my socks over the pants to keep them tidy.  But I found that to be uncomfortable and resulted in some weird-looking bagging around the top of the boots.  I think I need to make some removable stirrups to hold my looser pants in place.

What do you guys do to make your pants stay tucked in?

Not So Bad, Not So Scary

Yesterday's post title was a wee bit harsh.  That's what I get for blogging under the influence of OTC drugs.  Damn you, Mucinex!  And your mood-altering properties, too!

Today, I'm only influenced by my usual boat-load of coffee... and the craptastic weather we're experiencing in the northern climes of MN.  It's snowing.  AGAIN.  And it's freezing.  AGAIN.  However, I won't let the snow get me down.  I have awesome dinner plans tonight with my most favorite dining partner (my Mom) at a restaurant we've been longing to try.  And it's near-ish to our houses, so the nasty roads won't thwart our plans.

In short, life ain't so bad.  Another thing making life suck less is this - Pale Demon, the latest in the Rachel Morgan series by Kim Harrison is out and available for purchase.  I am so on that shizz, let me tell you.  And I'm not alone.  As my sister (in law) says about the series, "I love it when my multi-character fantasy series keeps it real." Yes.

Not only do Sis and I read Kim Harrison, my goddaughter does, too.  And, ready or not, she started reading it when she was a mere lass of 12.  Which prompted this convo with her monther, my bestie Laura:

Laura - "Is this appropriate for a preteen?  Is there a ton of sex?  You know, not alluding to sex, but actual sex sex?"
Me - "Umm.  Well.  Hey, you read tons of Harlequin Romances when we were kids, and you turned out just fine."
Laura - "So there's sex."
Me - "Yes.  Yes there is.  But it's not icky, p0rn0 sex like in Laurel K. Hamilton!  No one gets raped by a vampire whilst it's decomposing!"  Yeah, that's my standard for appropriateness.  No decomposition during sex.
Laura - "Okay...moving on.  Is it scary?  Will it keep her up at night?  She needs her sleep."
Me - "Pff, no.  It's intense and suspenseful, but not scary.  This isn't John Connolly or Stephen King, here."
Laura - "So it's not gory, then."
Me - "Umm.  Hmm.  How far into the series has she gotten?"
Laura - "BOOK FOUR.  WHY???"
Me - "Yeah.  Oops.  She probably shouldn't have read the second book."
Laura - "WHY?????  What have you let my child read???"  In my defense, goddaughter found the books on her own.  I had nothing to do with it.
Me - "Book two, The Good, The Bad, and the Undead, has this serial killer.  Who, you know, cuts people up.  And rearranges the bodies in icky ways.  So yeah, it's kind of gory.  Sorry honey!  You look really pretty today..."
Laura - *headsteeringwheel*

And that's my summary of the Rachel Morgan series - good sex, but nothing p0rny.  Lots of suspense, but not scary enough to keep you up at night.  And the second book is gorier than the rest by a TON.  However, as it's about a serial killer, it fits the story and doesn't feel gratuitous.

The only negative comment I have?  I got really bored with the endless debate/stress/emphasis/discussion of whether Rachel and Ivy could find a blood balance.  Too much time is spent on this issue - to the point you just stop caring.  Get over it, you two!  We all have!

What books are you looking forward to reading?  And, are they scary?

Too Dang Ugly For Friday

Today, I am powerfully ugly.  My face is a mess, I didn't blow out my hair, and I'm wearing schlumpy jeans and a hoodie.  The hoodie is the cutest part, trust me.

I'm battling through Day Eleventy Million of the cold/flu/plague, and since I didn't have to look like a human, I'm not.  So no pictures to frighten the masses.  But that doesn't mean I can't show you daily fashion stuff.

Like this, the cutest purse I ever thrifted:

Red Relic top-handle purse, $5 from Goodwill on Lyndale and 494 in Richfield.  Just a good, basic purse in the perfect shade of lipstick red.

Be sure to check out that Goodwill location, they get a TON of new Target stuff - much like the Salvation Army lower level in downtown Minneapolis.  Speaking of which, look at what I found there for $20:

(Yeah, I got scary-eye going on, sorry.)  It's an Edinburgh Cloak/Cape, and it's by Merona.  Yes, Merona, the Target store brand.  Check this out:

"I believe I can flllllyyyyyyy!"  I feel so Sherlock Holmes-y in this thing.  Love, love, love.  And yes, it's fairly warm, too.  Which is a necessity in MN in winter, lest ye DIE.

But my thoughts are turning toward springtime, and the hopes that I can wear this dress again:

I bought it to wear to my 20-year high school reunion, and that's the ONLY time I've worn it.  Clearly, this needs to get remixed into my daily wear, stat.  Or else I'm afraid my evil closet will eat it...

Maybe I could pair it with boots?  I have a few pairs of those, you know.  sigh

Goose Your Boose

My dad, the English professor, has this saying he... says whenever he's talking about individual tastes.  However, it's in Latin and I have NO FREAKING IDEA what the man is saying.  I can't even repeat it, as I don't speak Latin.  However, it vaguely sounds like "goose your boose," so that's what I always think when talking about personal style.

Go ahead!  Goose your boose!  Wow, that kind of sounds dirty... Moving on.

I had to look human today for the TV.  This was the best I could do:

Trust me, I photograph better than I actually look.  I look like hell in real life.

Today's outfit were, per usual, all about the boots:

Yep, I'm wearing boots again.  Here's what else I'm wearing:

Navy cardigan with silver trim and buttons, The Loft (X-mas gift from my Dad and StepMom)
Navy tank top, The Loft (X-mas gift from my Dad and StepMom)
Grey leggings, Express (I love their leggings for true)
Cuffed black flat boots, Payless
White gold hoops, gift
E typewriter key necklace, gift from my bestie Laura

Close-up of the stuff:

I needed to wear something warm, comfy, and with flat shoes.  Thus, the boots - AGAIN.  On the plus side, I wear all the different black boots I own all the time.  As evidenced by this blog.

Boots Again

The Neverending Cold (which, sadly, is NOTHING like The Neverending Story) rages on in my Scary Closet, so I'm home sick.  Yes, again.  Sigh.  And my outfit consists of p.j. pants and the cardigan I wore yesterday.  Cute, I'm sure.

Therefore, I'm dragging out an outfit I wore last week that features, you guessed it, boots.  But a different pair!  Ones I haven't worn on the blog yet!  That counts for something right?

Or it means I own way too many pairs of black boots.  Whatever - these were a gift from my darling sister-in-law, Meg.  Thanks, Meg!



I love the comfort of this outfit, but as you can see, the sweater doesn't exactly flatter my saddlebags.  Yup, I have wide hips.  I'm a pear shape - and no, I don't think being a pear = being fat.  I'm just wider through the hips, and I'm (usually) okay with that.

The comfy outfit from last week:
Rose patterned scarf, Lillians Shoppes on Grand Avenue
Olive green sweater, Old Navy on sale ($20)
Black leggings, Express (my favorite brand/store for leggings)
Olive green OTK socks, clearance from Macy's
Black leather biker boots, the amazing ones from Target online.  LOVE THEM.

In fact, I love these boots so much, we should look at them closely:

You should go buy a pair.  So I'm not alone in my excessive boot ownership.  KTHXBAI.

My Eye, MY EYE!

No, seriously.  MY EYE!  I've managed to "abrade" the corner of my left eye - aka scratched the ever-lovin' HELL out of my EYE so bad it friggin' HURTS.  ALL THE TIME.  Also, it is bright red, which is not conducive to cute fashion blogging photos.  Or being on TV, but if you're dying to watch my Fox 9 segment, you can do so here.

Instead, I'll regale you with outfits past, in particular, last Thursday's made for TV ensemble:

I'm trying to be different with the posing.  I'm all, hey look!  There's something over yonder!

I wonder what it could be?!?!  Something shiny?  But more importantly, look down:

No boots!  Instead, heeled oxfords.  Change is good, yes?

The 411:
Grey moto jacket, The Loft (gift from my Dad and StepMom)
Black drape-front shirt, Express from roughly 4 years ago
Grey heathered petal-front pencil skirt, bottom half of a "spring" suit from The Limited
Black patterned tights, a loaner from my bestie Heather... from over a year ago (whoopsies!)
Black oxfords with a small heel, gift from my Dad during our trip to Vancover.  IN 1989.  I KNOW.
Silver and fresh water pearl necklace, Nu Look Consignment in Mpls

Get a load of these now-vintage beauties:

They are the oldest item in my closet, and I still love them.  Once upon a time, I thought the heel was a smidge too high.  Now they're like flats to me.

What's the oldest item you still wear, living in your closet?

Remakes, Yea or Nay?

They say love is sweeter the second time around.  Perhaps.  I would argue that many foods, like pizza or Thanksgiving dinner, taste better the next day as leftovers.  And who doesn't enjoy a Mulligan?  A do-over when you mess up?

Furthermore, one of the main tenets of fashion/daily style blogging is remixing - i.e. wearing stuff in new and interesting ways, instead of the same shirt with the same pants every time.  In other words, remaking your wardrobe, without spending a dime.

However, does this theory apply to horror movies?  Is a horror movie better remade, remixed and updated for modern times?  Or are they better left alone, frozen in their original format and context?

Do we like horror movie remakes?

My simple, knee-jerk reaction is sort of 7-year-old-pitching-a-fit-esque; "Leave my scary stuff alone!  Remakes are crap!  God, doesn't ANYONE in Hollywood have an original idea anymore?!?  I hate you!"  *stomp, stomp, door-slam*

Sadly, my reaction to many of life's situations is to react like a 7 year old.  But I digress.  Can a remake ever be as good, or better than the original film?  And the answer is?  Maybe.

Some remakes we should just write off as plain awful.  For example, The Haunting from 1963 (based on The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson, a book I couldn't finish because I have low tastes and her writing is too highbrow for me) is a classic ghost story - frights are hinted at, but you never quite see the bad thing.  And the tension and spookiness build, and build, and GAH.  So good.

However, the 1999 remake with Liam Neeson (yum, and yes I WILL see any movie he's in, including Krull, which is epic in its badness), is so so so bad.  So bad.  It isn't scary, it wastes the talents of several good actors who should have known better, and the only thing I can recommend is that the haunted house is lovely to look at.  Minus all the scary baby-head carvings.

On the flip side, there is one remake I can wholeheartedly approve of - Friday the Thirteenth.    But first, let me quickly tell you the tale of my viewing of the original film:

My bestie, Heather, and I rented the Ft13th one winter's eve, when she, her husband, and I were bored out of our freaking goards.  Anything would have entertained us, even the 40 Year Old Virgin.  So it was with much anticipation we loaded up the VCR (yeah, we're that old).

Half way through, husband turned to wife and asked, "Is EVERYONE in this movie stoned?"  She replied, "They had to be.  I wish WE were .  Maybe it would make more sense." Then I had to ask, "Shit, ARE we stoned?  Without knowing it?  'Cuz watching this is making me FEEL stoned.  But on bad weed.  You know, the kind that makes you paranoid.  Not that I would know anything about smoking weed, I'm just saying."

The original Ft13th is just... bad.  Bad acting.  Bad writing.  Bad camera work.  It doesn't look like hand-held-camera documentary footage, like so many fans claim.  It looks like, well, shit.  And I hated it.  And my friends hated it.  We had to watch The 5th Element just to clean the funk from our brains.

So it was with much trepadation I rented the DVD remake by Marcus Nispel.  I wanted to be scared by the crazy butcher family.  I wanted to root for the kids to make it out of Texas alive.  I at least wanted to like one character.  Just one.  Is that too much to ask for?

As it turns out, I liked all the kids - even the one who blows her head off in the van at the beginning.  They acted like typical 18 year olds, one minute wise, one minute so immature you wanted to face-punch them.  But you didn't want any of them to be tortured and killed.  Which is a huge improvement over the original, where we couldn't wait for everyone to DIE ALREADY, GOD.

Plus, the one blonde guy?  Who makes out with the one ditsy chick in the van?  Is so adorable.  And really, as long as you have at least one hot guy, any film is bearable.  Except for The Haunting remake - not even Liam can save that POC.

Which remake to you love?  And which do you hate with every fiber of your being?  Share!

Fashiony Things I Love Right Now

DUDES!  So rarely are the Twin Cities mentioned in national fashion mags, I feel every article deserves notice.  Especially if said article references one of my all-time favorite fashion bloggers.  And Glamour Magazine for the month of March (available in February, natch) does both.

A.  They highlight some of the cute, and copy-able, "street" fashion you see out and about in the TC.  Bear in mind, magazine content is created MONTHS before publication.  So these brave women are showing off their outfits in subzero weather.  Because we grow them tough in MN, yo.

B.  They quote the uber-fabulous author of Already Pretty, Sally McGraw.  I LOVE HER SO MUCH.  She is the reason why I've been rocking little dresses with major boots all winter long.  We all have our fashion influences and mine are Sally, Kasmira from What I Wore Today, Erin (yeah, you know I totally love her name) from Work With What You've Got, and my Gramma Mac.  Because her style was epic and I love her so much, too.

However, today's title says fashiony thingsssssS.  As in plural stuff.  And the other thing I'm loving on right now is this website here - http://www.onestopplus.com/.  That's right, a clothing website full of trendy and affordable clothes for PLUS SIZED PEEPS ONLY.  Yes, it deserves the caps lock.

I have to give a shout out to Glamour Magazine, once again, for mentioning this site in an article about go-to dresses for all sizes (shades of Sally, I know).  They featured the cutest pinky-beige drapey dress for $69 - one which several of my buddies would love.  Attention aforementioned buddies:  get thee to this web site toot sweet.

As for the site itself?  They've got clothes, shoes, lingerie, accessories, stuff for the bigger man, and a clearance section.  You can imagine (if you know my other blog persona) how I swoon over a clearance section.

So if you haven't already, pick up the March edition of Glamour, follow Already Pretty, and shop at OneStopPlus.com.  Thus ends my bossing around of you.

Never fear!  I'll have an outfit and the scary bits in tomorrow's Friday the (not) 13th post.

Eh, So I Lied

I'm posting another picture featuring boots.  But hey!  At least they're BROWN boots and not BLACK boots.  That's progress, yes?  Yes.

This is another "blast from the past" outfit.  I wore it to work about three weeks ago, but I wanted to post it as it demonstrates my basic winter uniform:

1.  Tight pants
2.  Boots
3.  Layered tops that cover my booty
4.  Dry hair, so it won't freeze outside.  Brrr!

Through trial and error through many a MN winter, I've discovered the warmest leg-coverings tend to be the tightest.  Thick, tight pants add an excellent layer of insulation, as well as smooth out any lumps or bumps one might have gained over the winter holidays.

Anyhoobies, enough of the discussion.  To the outfit!

That long-ago outfit:

Pink and cream lace henley, Anthropologie (gift from my Dad and StepMom)

Red heathered tunic sweater, Target (full price, as I HAD TO HAVE IT)

Skinny dark-wash jeans, Express (on clearance for $15)

Brown suede and leather riding boots, so old they're from Daytons

Not pictured - green and gold dangly earrings, ten dollar store

Photo credit - Dan, our awesome editor

Do you have a "winter uniform?"  Or, a uniform way of dressing, period?  And did you pick the uniform, or did it pick you?  Last, are you happy with it, or is it time for a change?

No scary stuff today, but I'll leave you with this frightening mental image - my booty, NOT covered by a tunic or long shirt.  GAH!!!!  The horror...

Scary Little Love Songs

Today's outfit was so meh and bleah and unfun, I'm not even honoring it with a picture.  If you really, really, really need to see it, you can watch it in action here.

I'd much rather talk about an unsung topic - scary music.  Oh sure, we've all heard of Thriller, but what about the rest?  What about those creepy ditties from your youth that freaked you out whenever they came on the AM radio (yeah, I AM that old)?  Where's their love?

I've got your love right here.  Below, the songs that scared me as a child and why:

1.  The Legend of Wooley Swamp by the Charlie Daniels Band.  Swamps are scary.  Crawly critters are scary.  Ghosts are scary.  Combine the three with a righteous hook, and you've got one hell of a song.

2.  Somebody's Knocking by Terri Gibbs.  As an eight-year-old, I totally thought this song was about the devil knocking at your door.  Now I know it's just about a bad boy making a booty call - which to me is just as scary.

3.  Hotel California by the Eagles.  Dudes.  Have you every really listened to the lyrics?  "Some dance to forget?"  "Stab him with their steely knives?"  "You can never leave?"  Eek!  I was convinced this song was about a haunted insane asylum when I was a kid.  Perhaps I was right.

4.  Devil Woman by Cliff Richard.  I've never been afraid of possession by the devil or any other demon/spirit/what-have-you.  However, I guess I was afraid of being visited by the actual devil - in male or female form - as a youth.  Stephen King wrote a great short story about that once...

What songs frightened you as a child?  Did you just misunderstand or mishear the lyrics?  Or were they genuinely scary?

And because you sat through my stroll down memory lane, I'll reward you!  With pictures of what I wore yesterday!  Yeah, um.  Lucky you.

I entitled yesterday's outfit, "I Need To Stop Wearing Boots All The Time:"

Black cardigan, so old it used to be from Dayton's

Grey plaid dress, thrifted from Saver's in Columbia Heights, MN

Over-the-knee socks, Target

Black cuffed boots, Payless (and yes, they are the same boots I wore on Saturday, featured in yesterday's post)

Downward head tilt, courtesy of my lack of makeup

Speaking of the downward glance, I know why I do it - and I've read why other bloggers do it, too.  However, every time I see it/do it, it makes me think there's something shiny on the ground, just out of the viewer's sight:



"Ooooooo, look!  Shiny object!  Weeeeee!"
Yeah.  I'm a dork.

From The Heart

Happy Bloody, Ripped-From-The-Chest Heart Day!  Yeah, it's a whole lot less romantic when I put it like that, no?  Moving on.

So, I got dressed this weekend.  Because, although we are experiencing a warm-up in MN, it's still not toasty enough to be parading around in one's all-together.  And I didn't want to freeze on my way over to my goddaughter's house on Saturday.  She was getting gussied up for the Sweetheart's Dance, and her Aunt Erin was there to help with makeup and accessories.

However, I was not in the mood to do makeup or hair for my ownself:

Thus, the downward-looking pose.  I don't want to frighten you with my blah hair and makeup-free skin.

From the top picture:

Black faux-leather moto jacket, the faux Target (lower level, Salvation Army, Minneapolis)

Red t-shirt fabric scarf, last year's Christmas gift from my bestie, Heather

Snow leopard print shirt, Express via my buddy, Ashley

Black tank, Target (on sale!)

Jeans, Calvin Kline from Macy's (on sale!)

Black cuffed over-the-knee boots, Payless (you could pay more, BUT WHY?)

Silver and tiger's eye cross necklace, online swap meet

Here's a close-up of the swapped necklace:

Happy Valentine's Day, my peeps!



In Sickness and in Fear

Dudes.  I've been sick, on and off, since DECEMBER 26TH.  GAH.  This is getting old.  As is the cold MN weather, which requires us to wear multiple layers lest we freeze to death when we step outdoors.  Case in point, my outfit yesterday.  Behold the layering:

From the inside out:
Abstract print dress in blue/purple/white/black, faux Target (Salvation Army in Mpls, lower level)
Black leggings, JC Penney's (the Decree brand)
Black drapey cardigan, Macy's clearance sale (!)
Black boots, Gramma Mac's boots again
Black studded belt, Target clearance for $4.25!
Black and faux diamond-studded hoops, JC Penney's jewelry sale during Christmas
Unseen wool socks, Christmas gift

Close-up of the accessories:

Oh sure - that doesn't seem like a ton of layering.  But still.  All I want to do is wear that cute flutter-sleeved dress all by itself, with a pair of flip flops and maybe some earrings.  And not be bundled up like the kids from Christmas Story (which sadly, I've never seen.).

Speaking of movies, let's move on to scarier topics, namely scary movies.  I am constantly on the lookout for a movie that will frighten me as badly as my Ultimate Scary Movie.  What is my Ultimate Scary Movie?  The movie that TO THIS DAY still freaks the everloving snot out of me?  The movie that has spawned more nightmares than any other movie/Stephen King writing/economic forecast combined?

The original, the first in the (craptastic) series, A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Dudes, don't be fooled by the sequels or the remake.  Those travesties should be rounded up and removed from public consumption for all times.  All you need is the original Nightmare - complete with the added bonus of super-hot Johnny Depp!  Who has the most epic death scene EVER.

Let me explain (no, let me sum up) why this movie is so damn scary, I can't watch it at night:

1.  It's about people dying in their highly realistic dreams.  Dudes, I have highly realistic dreams, ever since I was a wee tot.  And this movie basically tells me that one day, my dreams will KILL ME.
2.  You never know if the characters are asleep and dreaming, or if they're awake.  (Much like most of my life.)  So you never know when terror will strike!  Gah!  Jump-out-at-you scares are the worst for me.
3.  The original Freddy Krueger makeup is so freaky and gross, he looks horrifying.  And no, he's not a wiseacre in the original movie - that comes later on, in the lame sequels.
4.  You actually like the kids, and don't want them to die.  Especially Glen (that would be Johnny Depp) and Nancy.  Unlike in most horror movies, where the kids are just canon-fodder.
5.  It's surprisingly not that gory.  Oh sure, there are buckets of blood being tossed around, but the kills are not graphic.  No guts spilling out, no dismemberment.  By today's post-Saw/Hostel/insert the torture p0rn of your choice here, ANoES is fairly tame.  That lack of gore allows you to focus on the terror of the teens being killed in their sleep, with no escape in sight.
6.  There's a satisfying reason for why Krueger is out for blood.  It's dealt with simply, and without unnecessary flashbacks to slow down the action.
Lucky 7.  The only recourse for the kids is to stay awake.  And the thought of never being able to sleep again is the most frightening thing of all.  Dudes, I NEED my sleep.

There you have it, my Ultimate Scary Movie - the movie all other horror movies are judged against.  Now let's open it up for discussion - what movie scares YOU the most?

Happy Belated Birthday

According to the source of all knowledge, Google, it was Jules Verne's birthday on the 8th.  In celebration, I dressed in the closest thing I have to sailor-wear:

Stripey sweater with button detail, H&M on clearance
Skinny cargo pants, Target (full price, bad me!)
Three-buckle boots, Target
White gold hoops, birthday gift from my wonderful mother

I lovee mixing the sailor-style with the more army-look of the pants.  It's like an Army/Navy football game is happening on my body.  Or something.

And because you can't really see the buttons:

Close-up!  And WOW does my neck look weird.  Moving on:

The Target boots.  I hadn't worn them in awhile (my evil closet was hiding them in its dark clutches), but now they're popping up all over the place.  I love them, but they are not the most well-constructed shoe I've owned - faux leather.  I just know they're going to die a death in the next year or two.  *sob*

Google, via Wikipedia, goes on to tell us that Jules Verne is the Father of Science Fiction and the Godfather of Steampunk.  As such, I busted out some of my favorite Steampunk'd accessories:

Top hat, La Paloma at the Bristol Renaissance Faire
Clockwork pin on hat, gift from my bestie, Laura
Fingerless knit gloves with brass button accents, random teeny-bopper store in Chicago, IL
Lazer gun, gift from my buddy, Carol

You Get One

One decent book, that is.

I try to be supportive of horror fiction writers, as they have a tough row to hoe.  In the words of Rodney Dangerfield, they get no respect.  Horror writers are hacks!  That's not REAL literature!  Something must be wrong with their brain-meats to write that kind of trash!  Heretics!  Burn them as witches!  And so on.

However, sometimes certain authors deserve the bashing they receive (don't even ask me about Laurel K. Hamilton and her series that devolved into icky, porny grossness with no real plot).  One such author, I hate to say, is Dean Koontz.

I used to love Koontz.  From 1990 'til about 2000, I read every single book the man ever wrote, including his short story collection.  Yes, sadly, it took me ten years to realize he had jumped the shark long ago.  In fact, it could be argued he only ever wrote one great story.  But dudes, that one story is AWESOME.

Watchers, by Dean Koontz, was first published back in 1987.  It tells the tale of genetically modified creatures - one, a sweet golden retriever with a human-like brain, the other thing is a monkey/gorilla thing bent on destruction.  Grotesque and maniacal, it cuts a bloody (but not too gory) path on its way to find the retriever named Einstein.  Scary bits ensue until the final showdown.

The story has everything... and I do mean EVERYTHING.  A downtrodden women rescued from the clutches of an evil rapist by love!  And a super smart doggie!  A man saved from a life of meaninglessness by love!  And a super smart doggie!  There's covert military!  And people getting their eyes gouged out!

Oddly, though, it all works together to tell an ultimately cohesive, haunting, make-you-cry tale, with enough frights to keep you, well, not up all night.  But you will double-check the locks on your doors, at least.

I tried to think of another Koontz novel I could also whole-heartedly recommend, and I came up short.  I liked his two-part series about Christopher Snow, but it's not particularly scary, and it contains waaaaaaay too much deus ex machina for my tastes.  Also, I think it was meant to be a longer series that Koontz abandoned for the more successful Odd Thomas series (which I found depressing, without a fright in sight).

Dean Koontz himself wrote an Afterword to Watchers, discussing how other readers have told him, to his face, his best work was this book.  Thus implying everything that came after sucks rocks.  I hate to jump on the negativity bandwagon, but the people speak the truth.  But at least I'm saying it here... and not to Mr. Koontz during a book signing.  That's just MEAN.

Let's segue now to fashion, where hopefully none of us get just one.  One decent outfit, one look that works for us, or merely one thing from our collective closets that fits.  We want variety contained in those dark and spooky depths, am I right?



Keeping in line with yesterday's TV outfit, here's something else I wore on Fox 9 awhile ago:

Black 3/4-sleeved sweater, Marshall's

Pink cotton tank dress, the "faux Target", aka The Salvation Army in downtown Mpls (lower level)

Black patterned tights, the real Target

Black round-toe boots, once belonged to my Gramma Mac (a serious fashionista)

Location, the edit suite at Kaplan in Saint Paul

Photographer, our editor, Dan.  Thanks, Dan!

And speaking of having just one look, yes.  I wear boots.  A lot.  All the time.  Why?  Because they are WARM, and I live on the tundra (Minnesota) where we need toasty outfits to survive.  Plus, I like the look.  They're part of my fashion uniform - more on uniforms in a later post.  Oooo, something to look foward to!  I do like a good cliffhanger.

On TV

Today is Tuesday, aka One Of The Two Days A Week I'm On Fox 9's Morning Buzz.  As such, I have to look human, which translates into an outfit that films well (no crazy pattern near my face) and makeup that makes me look alive (in other words, application with a spatula).  Here are the results for the day:

Outer-wear:
Grey wool coat, so old it's from Daytons
Polka-dot fleece scarf, gift from my bestie, Heather
Cream heathered arm warmers, Target (on sale for $7.50)
Silver brooch, The Black Pearl at the Bristol Renaissance Faire



Inner-wear:
Chocolate brown shawl collar cardigan, eBay 4 years ago when you couldn't find them in stores
White/lime/teal/brown water-color pattern dress, birthday gift from my StepMom and Dad
Cream micro-fishnets, can't remember and I wish I bought a zillion pairs
Chocolate brown boots with button detail, JC Penneys clearance sale
Gold multi-chain necklace with disc, Opitz Outlet

Today's outfit is all about the boots.  I haven't worn them once this year - BAD CLOSET.

Yeah, I can't really blame my closet.  I can only blame the lack of wearage on the loss of the dress I usually pair up with these boots.  That dress no longer fits (too big!  yay me!), but the boots remain.

Further complicating the matter, these HAVE to be worn with dresses and skirts - they look terrible worn over leggings or jeans.  However, I do have one other brown-based dress, so with any luck, I can bust out the boots for another wearing soon.

Let's take a closer look:

And to prove I don't take my daily wear, or myself too seriously:



Tune in tomorrow for the horror, THE HORROR!  No, not more random pictures of me - other horror fiction recommendations.

Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself

Although this ain't my first time at the rodeo, vis-a-vis blogging*, I'm still a wee bit nervous about this initial post.  I know it doesn't have to be perfect - heck, I'll be lucky if anyone even reads it.  But I do want it to convey what I'm all about with this new project.  So with no further ado:

1.  I love horror movies, horror books, spooky fiction in general.  Always have, from a very young age when I saw my first scary movie, The Blob with Steve McQueen.  I was four.  Please don't judge my parents.

2.  I love fashion blogs and fashion bloggers.  However, they just don't post enough posts to fullfill my obsession. (How DARE they have lives!  Whadaya mean they can only wear one outfit a day!  Selfish, I say.)  I guess if I can't find what I want online, I should just make it myself, yes?

3.  The means to writing a successful fashion blog lies within my closets.  However, so does (one of) my greatest fears.  Closets are SCARY, yo.  Don't believe me?  I have a whole slew of childhood nightmares that say otherwise.

4.  I can combine the two - horror and fashion - to make an online journal of EPIC PROPORTIONS.  Or at least, of mild interest to whoever stumbles upon it.

In short, My Closet Should Not Be Scary is about what I wear each day, and... scary stuff.  Yeah.

Moving on!  Here is my inaugural outfit, worn today for the 3 hours I was out in public.  I have the flu, so I wasn't up to hair and make-up, thus the down-turned face:

Teal tunic sweater, Kohls
Grey skinny pants/leggings, JC Penneys
Black buckle boots, Target
I'm also wearing a black and bronze cocktail ring from Charlotte Russe and bronze earrings from Target.

Now for the scary bits!  (If my hair and grouchy face aren't scary enough for you.)  I love a good horror short story, but some of them can be kind of... esoteric.  Or porny (eww).  Therefore, I'm very particular in the short stories I'll read.  Only certain authors will do.

If you're new to reading horror fiction; a. Welcome to the fold!  We have snacks! and b. You can't do better than the King.  Stephen King's short story collections are genius, and I recommend you begin at the beginning with his first book, Night Shift.  It will demonstrate why King is the master of horror, as well as explain why I have a lock on the outside of my bedroom closet door.

This classic contains such goodies as Children of the Corn and The Mangler.  There's also a tale of obsessive love - I Know What You Need - and a brother's bond to his doomed sister - Last Rung on the Ladder.  The breadth of topics and plot lines truly show off King's mastery of the short form.  And that might be the most pretentious sentence I've ever written.  Whatever, just give Night Shift a try.  If you don't like sleeping, that is.

*I have another blog.  You may have heard of it - The Cheap Chick.com.  No?  Okay.