Friday, November 18, 2011

Scary Things Lurking In My Closet, Part One

Lately, the only truly scary thing about my closet (besides the Boogeyman, but that's what the lock on my closet door is for) is that I keep forgetting about its contents.  Once again, I discovered a cardigan I'd bought a MONTH AGO and forgot to wear.  I remedied that on Wednesday.  However, I was never home to take an outfit photo.  So you'll just have to take my word for it - the green/grey cardi from Target exists, and it is lovely.

Although I love my closets now (except for the Boogeyman - he is dead to me), this has not always been the case.  Let me share a few of the terrifying items that once lurked in those dark depths...

1.  Mom-waisted jeans.  Not only did I own such jeans, I pegged them, and then covered the safety pins with scrunchy socks or legwarms.  Oh 80's.  You were an ugly, uncomfortable time.

2.  Stirrup pants.  I WISH these had just been big in the 80's!  Stirrups made their evil ways known to my closets all the way up until I graduated college.  In '94.  ICK.  And stirrup pants never had enough Lycra in them, so I always bagged them out/wore them out in the knees.  I have very bony knees, folks.

3.  Overalls.  Just... no.  Unless you are painting a house, you should not own overalls.  Ever.  I don't care what TLC wears in their videos.  YOU ARE NOT TLC.  Rest in peace, Left-Eye.

4.  Converse sneakers.  Guys, look.  I know all those hipsters out there are sporting their Converse all over town.  You might even be one of those hipsters.  Heck, some of my friends are hipsters, and they wear Converse in my presence.  And I refrain from making snarky comments about how the cast from Singles wants their shoes back.  Because I love my friends, and everyone is entitled to wear the footwear of their choice.  Even an over-played choice like Converse.

5.  Big, black, clunky shoes.  The 90's were as cruel with their fashions as the 80's.  Possibly worse.  And the one item I look back at with the most fear and loathing were those clunky-heeled, un-cute, goth/grunge/club kid clonkers we wore.  Sure, they're comfy, but MAN are they UGLY.  Embrace the curvy heel, ladies!  You'll look better for it.

What looks from the past still haunt you today?  And have you banished them from your closets?  And then lit sage to remove any lingering trace of horror?


  1. I still embrace the Converse because sometimes the situation just calls for sneakers. I can't play DDR in heels (well I can, but the arcades strongly frown upon it). I also like Vans.. though I'm looking into Tom's as a possible summer purchase.

    Ohhh the big black clunkers. I'm pretty sure all the clunky black boots from the 90s have wound up in my Goodwill. Every top shoe rack is covered in them.

    My worst thing is my goth pants still lurking in the closet. I haven't worn them since my last rave two and half years ago, but I also haven't been to a convention since the Nashville Flood.

    In response to your comments:
    A. Totally! I wish I held onto any of the capes I've had in the past, but most of them swamped me, and so they found new homes.

    B. I would absolutely love a tie-donation. I'm hoping to get some backlog up and maybe even start a small business and I'd love to have ties, like Ally donated, that maybe aren't 100% anymore, so if your friends have some that aren't being used, please email me! (Ecc3ntriccynic[at]gmail[dot]com) I'd love to turn them into something wearable again. I'd even mail you back a freebie or two. ;D

    C.OMG YOU"RE KIDDING! They're nearly identical to the Frye version. I'm now scouring ebay despite being on ban. I'll just forward links to everyone and go "Christmas, need!"

  2. I have a pair of mom-waste jeans that I paint in - I had them in high school and I'm like, I actually thought these looked good back then? Ugg!!

    And yes, the overalls, oh man. I used to do the one side unbuckled thing too. Yuck. I have a pair in my closet only because I was Luigi to my husband's Mario a couple of years back for Halloween. Otherwise, no. Just no.

  3. Ha, I had stirrup pants back in the day! They started to trend in my last year in high school (1985) and I loved them. Hee!

    I hated those big clunky 90s shoes. We've been re-watching Buffy on DVD and I'm cringing at the bad footwear! I avoided those shoes for the most part - it was hard finding pointy toes then!

    Glad you liked the Major Award! Post more. :)